CoH Justice League skit

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CoH Justice League skit

Postby Wynn on Mon Sep 13, 2004 1:09 pm

From http://boards.cityofheroes.com/showflat ... 2631294290

<Meanwhile, we join our intepid heroes setting up outside the last battle of the Apokolypse TF>

Batman: Ok, I've read on the boards that this Darkseid AV is Teh Ub4r. Man, wish we had an Emp defender.

Green Lantern: Um... I'm a Illusion/FF controller.

Flash: No kidding Batman. We should have gotten that Zatanna chixxor. She was HOT!

Green Lantern: Hello? Force Fields here? Anyone?

Batman: Well, we have me, Hawkgirl, and Flash here. That's three scrappers. With Superman yelling in his face, and Wonder Woman Provoking the parademon minions, we aught to be fine.

Hawkgirl: </em smirk>

Batman: What?

Hawkgirl: Nothing.

Martian Manhunter: </em wave>, Hey! I'm a Mind Controller!

All: <pause> ...

Batman: </em eyeroll> Be quiet. You're here because it's a SG thing and we felt sorry for you.

Flash: ... still shoulda got that Empathy chixxor Zatanna. She was hot.

Hawkgirl: She's really a guy.

Flash: ...

Superman: Cool! I get to use my awesome new Knockout Blow on Darkseid!

All save Wonder Woman: </em laugh>

Flash: At least they nerfed your knockback, so we don't have to chase things all over the place.

Wonder Woman: /t Superman, Why are we here again?

Superman: /t Wonder Woman, It's a SG thing. We had to go.

Batman: Ok, here we go. Hawkgirl, you're an Invul scrapper right? You lead off in case the AV swings off of Super-Yo'Momma-man here, and Flas-

Superman: I told you not to call me that.

Batman: Know your role tanker. Anyway, as I was saying Flash will assist off of you. I'll kill the parademons. Let's go.

<Team attacks. Green Lantern bubbles Batman, Flash, and Hawkgirl, sends Phantom Army and Phantasm.>

<Flash uses Flurry>

Hawkgirl and Superman: </em laugh> He didn't take Hasten.

Flash: Shut up. It's concept.

Hawkgirl: /t Superman, Stupid RPer.

<Darkseid one-shots Flash for most of his hitpoints since he's a SR scrapper>

Flash: OMG [Censored] LOLBBQ?!? GL HEAL!

Green Lantern: </em sigh> ... force fields, for the last time...

<Superman Provokes Darksied, Hawkgirl Provokes Darkseid>

Superman: WTH?!?

Hawkgirl: Check the mace. Offensive tanker.

Supergirl: No wonder you are the suxxor.

<Wonder Woman roots with Unyielding Stance in the middle of the parademons, sets Provoke to autofire, and goes AFK. Martian Manhunter uses Mass Domination on the parademons>

Batman: Dammit! There went our XP for the minions! Thanks alot you loser!

<Batman defeats parademons. Batman joins Superman, Hawkgirl, and Green Lantern's pets attacking Darkseid. Wonder Woman, still AFK with Batman targeted, Provokes Darkseid. Hawkgirl Provokes Darkseid.>

<Superman uses Knockout Blow>: 75 damage!

All but Wonder Woman:</em laugh>

Superman:</em sigh> Damn smash-resistant mob. <Provokes>

<Darkseid uses AE Omega Beams!>

<Flash is knocked out, Batman is knocked out, Hawkgirl (who took only passives) is knocked out, Superman uses Dull Pain, is badly hurt>

Superman: Surprise surprise. It's unclassified damage. GL, heal plz.

Green Lantern: FORCE FIELDS, NOT EMPATHY!

Wonder Woman: Back.

<Wonder Woman joins Superman and Green Lantern's pets in attacking Darkseid. Martian Manhunter sulks.>
<5 minutes later, Darkseid is at 95% hitpoints.>

Superman: WTH?!? Why isn't he dying?

Green Lantern: They nerfed my pets.

<5 minutes and two AE's later, team goes to hospital, except Martian Manhunter, who Phase Shifted and left the TF 10 minutes ago, but no one noticed.>

Flash: </em grumble> If we'd got that Dev Blaster Green Arrow and that hot Zatanna Emp, we woulda been fine.

All: Shut up!



A little follow-up...

<Later, at the Justice League Watchtower...>

Batman: Well that sucked. Four hours wasted.

Flash: No kidding. If we had just got that hottie Emp Za-

All:</em glare at Flash>

Flash: Right. Dropping it.

Martian Manhunter: So, what's everyone's plans now?

Batman: I'm gonna go soloing in Gotham. You can get phat XP herding gangers there.

Hawkgirl: GL and I are gonna duo it up running through the Amazo story arc. With my l33t melee skillz, and his heals, we'll be fine.

Green Lantern: ...

Flash:/t Batman, Oh look, debt on legs. Say, doesn't GL know Hawkgirl's a guy?

Batman:/t Flash, If he doesn't, I ain't tellin' him.

Flash:/t Batman, Cold man, cold.

Superman:</em smile> I'm gonna do that Lex Luthor TF again!

Martian Manhunter: Good grief, you've done that TF what, 32 times?!?

All:</em groan, /em rollseyes>

Wonder Woman:/t Martian Manhunter, He only does it because Lois Lane is the contact for it.

Martian Manhunter:/t Wonder Woman, Then why do you always go with him?

Wonder Woman:/t Martian Manhunter, He's cute.

Martian Manhunter:/t Wonder Woman, I thought you were a guy.

Wonder Woman: <no reply>

Martian Manhunter: Anyone need a Mind-

<An explosion of Flight, Super-Speed, and Teleports and everyone leaves>

Martian Manhunter: - Controller..?

<Superman and Wonder Woman log of in disgust at being being out-meleed, chain-stunned, toggles dropped, and killed repeatedly by the LuthorCorp Security Guard minions wielding billy clubs during the Lex Luthor TF.>

<Flash gets a team with that Zatanna Emp chixxor (who's hot). Finds out yes, Zatanna is a guy. Is laughed at for having Flurry. Logs of in disgust and takes a shower to get rid of the dirty used feeling.>

<Hawgirl racks up 150K debt after yelling at GL to heal for the 35th time during the same mission, causing him to log off in disgust. Hawkgirl logs off in disgust, blaming the debt on GL not healing her, instead her totally crap defences.>

<Batman racks up Phat XP, levels yet again, solos the Penguin story arc (notorious front-loaded missions, Penguin is an AV 7 levels below Batman), teams up with another scrapper (Catwoman), finds out Catwoman is a guy, logs off in disgust.>

<Martian Manhunter sighs, put on his Seek Team, and sweeps up around the Watchtower for the next three hours, then logs off in disgust.>



And on we go!

<The next day, the Justice League holds interviews for prospective additions to the SG>

Batman:</em grumble>God, I hate doing these. All we ever get are n00bs and low-level leechers.

Flash: Hey, maybe this time we'll actually get like a blaster or two.

Hawkgirl: Getting some controllers would be sweet.

Martian Manhunter: ... but I'm a Min-

Wonder Woman: A REAL controller MM.

Martian Manhunter:</em sigh, /em sulk>

Green Lantern: Guys, for the last freakin' TIME, I'm Illusion/Force Field! I AM a controller!

Superman: Yeah, what's up with that anyway? You put those stupid bubbles on us, but never heal. Why didn't you take Kinetics or Empathy?

Batman:</sarcasm> ... like that hot Zatanna chixxor, right Flash?

Flash: My hate for you knows no bounds.

<The first string of applicants file in>

Supergirl: </em giggle> Hi! I'm Supergirl, Inv/SS tanker!

Wonder Woman & Superman: We like her!

Everyone Else: NEXT!

Superman: Hey, why not?

Batman: We barely need one tanker, let alone the two and a half we have.

Hawkgirl: Hey! You take that ba-

Flash: Zip it, Ms. "I didn't take US or toggles so I could swing more". Yer a walking mez magnet. We take you because the one shot that kills you isn't hitting one of us.

Hawkgirl:</em sigh, /em sulk>

Green Lantern: Right, who's next?

Captain Atom: Hi, I'm Captain Atom, Rad/Ener-

All: YOU'RE IN!

Captain Atom: ... but you didn't even let me finish.

Batman: You have Healing Aura and AM?

Cpt. Atom: Well, yeah, but...

Flash: Good enough, welcome aboard. NEXT!

Zatanna:</em sultry> Hi, I'm Zatanna, Illusion/Emp controller. Hiya Flash.

All but Flash: YOU'RE IN!

Flash: Hate.... you all... so very very much.

Superman: Does this mean we can finally boot GL?

Wonder Woman: Hell yes.

Green Lantern: Fine, screw you guys. I get better XP soloing in Quard anyhow. <flies off>

<Green Lantern has quit the super-group!>

Batman: Who's next?

Power Girl: Hi, I'm Power Girl, an Inv-

All but Wonder Woman and Superman: NEXT!

Wonder Woman:/t Superman, Why did they let me in the SG anyhow?

Superman:/t Wonder Woman, You're a hot chixxor, why else?

Steel: Hi, I'm Steel, a Sledgehammer/Inv scrapper!

Batman:</em point> OMG! HAXXOR!!! </report>

Steel: Aw c'mon guys..

GM_AntiMonitor: Hello, how can I hel- OMG HAXXOR! u r banned!!11!111!1oneone~!

<Steel has been kicked from the DC Server!>

Flash: Whew, that was close. Who else we got?

Hawkgirl: One more guy.

Batman: Hope this one is a blaster at least.

Punisher: hi im teh punisher. ar/dev blstr

All: </em blink, /em doubletake>

Superman: Um... you new on this server?

Punisher: lol ya wuz on teh marvel server but had 2 mny st00pd rp-ers rerolled here. can we du TF 2 get phat xp now

All but Superman: YOU'RE IN!

Superman: You are kidding me, right?

Batman: Two words; Smoke Grenade. I'd take a lobotimized chimp if they had Smoke Grenade.

Superman:/t Punisher, They don't know Smoke Grenades got nerfed do they?

Punisher:/t Superman, rofl 2 l8 now tauntman, i r in!!!1!1

Batman:</em evillaugh> We're gonna so pwn that Apokolyps TF now!

Punisher: culd we invite my frend wolverine? hes claw/regen scrapper and he pwns
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Postby Monster on Mon Sep 13, 2004 4:01 pm

Heh. Punisher was a nice touch.
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Postby Stix on Tue Sep 14, 2004 2:16 am

The Punisher thing transcends beyond CoH, heh. I didn't get most of the skit, being ignorant of CoH, but I did chuckle and slap my forehead at Punisher. Memories of DAoC grouping.
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Postby Wynn on Tue Sep 14, 2004 10:59 am

There are a number if "inside jokes" throughout the skit. Making fun of certain power types, or how people react to certain power types. It's fairly accurate.

Except, for example, the dissin all over the force field dude. I have a FF defender and everybody loves to group with him. I make the game fairly easy for everybody in the group. In this skit, though, they keep asking him for healing.. and that used to happen when people were stupid and didn't understand what FF does.
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